


Save a Life

by blakefancier



Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-26
Updated: 2011-04-26
Packaged: 2017-10-18 16:32:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/190917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blakefancier/pseuds/blakefancier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blake is a consummate actor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Save a Life

You wake up and know something is wrong. Your head hurts and your mouth feels full of cotton and you can't remember why you're in hospital. Doctors swarm over you like little insects, biting your flesh, buzzing and clicking into your ears.

You say all the right things. You don't say all the wrong things. When they let you out, you go home and sit in your living room, looking at the things that should be familiar. You stare longest at the pictures of your family: mother, father, brother, sister. You're smiling, you look happy. You try to remember the joy, the love. But even that eludes you.

You smile and you smile. With practice it will come naturally.

So you practice: smile, laugh, frown cry. Nod sympathetically. Relearn the words and gestures.

You become the consummate mimic. You even fool yourself.

This is your life. This is *you.*

Then one day your life rewinds and replays. Only this time the outcome is different. You wake up and a ball of fire sits in your chest, raging against the frame that is your body. A part of you wonders if this better than before, than nothing.

Anger and pain and hatred; you still have not learned happiness.

You may never learn it. You decide that it does not matter.

You sleep uneasily, even when you're among friends.

It takes you the better part of six months to realize they want you. You consider having sex with them, but decide that it would be too much effort. You need them and you don't want to see them hurt by your carelessness. Your callousness.

The longer you stay, the farther happiness slips away. You wonder if the bitterness is worth being this close to warmth. In the end, it's not.

Wounded, you run. You run and run and run until you meet someone who does not want anything but your dedication to the cause. You do not sleep with him; he doesn't hurt you with wanting.

You wait for the rewind and replay. But still you're surprised when it comes.

When you wake up, you are relieved. Or you would be relieved, if you could feel. When the doctors bite and click and buzz, you ignore it. And when he comes to see you, you listen to his apology and nod. When he leaves, when he's forced to leave, you ask for a mirror. And when you're alone, you practice your smiles and frowns, your laughter and your tears, until they look natural.


End file.
